On Rules and Rulers.

Image by gemini to prompt ‘‘rules and rulers”

We all have people who rule over our work lives and sometimes other part of our lives.

We have internal rulers we measure ourselves and others with.

We research for rules that make a good life.

Three thoughts to consider:

1. Not all rulers are leaders. Many leaders are not rulers.

True leaders tend to exhibit six key behaviors:

a) Competence: They have expertise and capability in their field.

b) Realism: They accept, acknowledge and deal with facts, hard data and the reality of situations.

c) Integrity: They engender trust. They are transparent in their dealings.

d) Empathy: They care about others including institutions and not just themselves.

e) Vulnerability: They acknowledge mistakes and surround themselves with expertise they can lean on or who can speak truth to them.

f) Inspiration: They realize people choose with their hearts and justify what they do with numbers. They move people to see beyond the challenges of today to a better tomorrow.

Leaders may not have titles, employees or zones of control but they are likely to have respect, followers and zones of influence.

Rulers often have leadership qualities but sometimes they do not.

Some come to rule not through the talent and disciplined behaviors of leadership, but primarily though some combination of power brokering, fear mongering, ignorance peddling, or inheritance.

If you strip away the trappings of power, the ability to punish, the pomp and circumstance of an office, an institution or a company from a person, can they continue to influence, motivate and make an impact?

Leaders often worry they are not good enough to the challenges at hand and so we build scaffolding teams around them and constantly work to improve.

Rulers tend to fear that they will lose power and often turn to intimidation to offset and distract from their internal hollowness which are chasms echoing with insecurity.

2. We all have different rulers with which we take measure of ourselves and others.

We all have different measures and definitions of success.

Money. Fame. Power. Family. Creativity. Expertise. Connections. Peace. Charity…

We evaluate ourselves and others according to these different benchmarks.

It is important to understand what drives us and what drives other people.

This allows for different people to find common areas of motivation and therefore co-operation.

Not understanding the internal rulers that we gauge and measure ourselves with, or other peoples’ benchmarks of success often leads to conflict.

As important is how we are to be measured by others.

Steven Levitt of the University of Chicago has stated if you understand someone’s incentives, you can do a pretty good job of predicting their behavior.

Three simple questions one should ask in order to enhance partnerships, relationships, teamwork and understanding of other people.

a) How do you define success?

b) How are you being measured/evaluated?

c) How can I help you succeed?

If you are a parent, you may be able to influence definitions of success. If you are a boss, you may be able to influence measurement and evaluation metrics. Everyone can help everyone else achieve their goals.

In most cases it is really difficult to convince people that their measures might be wrong.

You either align with, come to understand, accept or try to work with them.

Or help them come to some form of self-understanding and realization through stories and emotion. It is unlikely that facts or figures or demeaning and making fun of them will work.

3. Some “rules” for a good life that have stood the test of time and are worth considering:

In the end one realizes that all the advice on health, wealth, career, and life can be distilled down to a few “rules”:

a) Health: Sleep enough. Move more. Ingest in a balanced and moderate way.

b) Money: Spend less than you earn. Reduce expenses so you do not price yourself out of your dreams. Diversify assets. Invest for the long term by buying and holding and leveraging the power of compounding.

c) Career: Find mentors. Celebrate connections. Continuously learn. Be patient keeping in mind that one will have a multi-decade career. Align with technological trends.

d) Life: Understand that life brings with it loss. Be grateful. Be true to your word. Care more.

The challenge then is in the doing.

In the living the imagined life vs imagining what it might be.